he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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