You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
