Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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