please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
