If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
