I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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