i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
