I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
