You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I still have a little drunk in my system
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
