But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
