I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
