the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
