If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
3 2 1 whiskey
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
