They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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