I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
