the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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