R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she smelled like a LAN party
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
