Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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