One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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