Do you still have your period?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
