LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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