I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
