can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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