nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
