can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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