i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
