he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
