Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
