I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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