i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
