nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
