I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
