i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize