Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
