mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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