How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
