12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
