Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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