You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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