Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
