How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
