Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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