We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
