I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
accomplished twins. life is a go
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize