So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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