So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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