It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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