dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize