How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
