I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
