Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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