our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
