Im at strip club and am horny
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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