All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
