New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
