The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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