Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
