In the future we'll all be gay
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
