Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
