After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize