If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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