oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize