I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
