there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
