I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's never too late to be topless.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
