I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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