hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
