is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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