I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
