what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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