Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
