I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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