Well douche your snatch and let's go!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize