Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
