I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
