I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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