Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
