There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
