how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
