We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your penis caused this!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize