it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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