i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize