im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
