I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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