He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
