Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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