After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
