He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
