Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
