just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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