So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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