i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Let's get the cat blown out
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
