Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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