She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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