it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
