the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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