Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
