I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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