WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
wow bdsm is so cute
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
