like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
