Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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