dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
