Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
