he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
