Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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