I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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